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Hello to whoever may read! I'm duzm the sitemaster.

I guess I should introduce myself a little and talk about why this site came to be...

I consider myself the average outsider teenager, I'm 17 and I have many passions and hobbies. I like to learn about new stuff, exercise calisthenics and play around with computers and programming. Since I've last quitted videogames roughly three years ago, I started to embrace a more self-improvement attitude towards my life. Looking back I've achieved quite a lot, and honestly I would've never thought that I would be like this today back then. A plague that sticked with me till this day (otherwise you wouldn't be reading this) however was porn.
I will cut straight to the matter. I have a bad relationship with girls, I'm constantly evaluating whether or not I'm acting like the ultimate alpha-chad or the last dumbass of planet earth whenever I'm in proximity of one. This is an extremely toxic way of viewing one's interactions with others. This matter doesn't affect me with boys as I have no interest in appearing appealable/smart or whatever to them. If they think I'm a dickhead who cares, but if a girl does then I immediately start shifting the focus on me and what is wrong with me. On top of that I consider my teenager social life as close to the absolute zero. I like going to school and meet my classmates and all, but I don't go to parties/do drugs/and yada yada yada... I wouldn't change anything, I like who I am and the difference between me and others, but shit does it get lonely living like this.
So overall I feel like I'm still attached to porn, even though I despise it with all my heart and know it's melting my neurons, because it's a way for me to escape from my problems in relationships and cope with a sometimes overwhelming feeling of loneliness. I probably don't really like being with myself, because if I would then porn would be of no use to me. Also, I don't want to try and fix the problem by getting a girlfriend, as that also would count as coping with a feeling within myself. I must be able to be strong and solve the issue with or without someone, otherwise where does one's capability of solving oneself reside if we always have to depend on others?