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Hello once again. Today I took some time to make the site look better.

Today I thought about what freedom from porn means to me.
Free is someone that understands he's being exploited and as such refreins from being further exploited. It's not a one-time permanent choice, it's a way of life. We reinforce and shape the mental idea of ourselves everyday with our actions and thoughts. If I keep viewing myself as the guy that could never detatch completely from porn, then I'll continue to be that guy in my mind. For clarification purposes I can function fine without porn, but it's ultimately the thing I come back to on a almost daily basis. You can't achieve freedom of mind if you're consumed all the time by lustful thoughts that draw you back to porn.
I guess yesterday I hit a low point. I never took quitting seriously, really. If I went without it for a couple of weeks I came back to it for "boredom" or whatever. I knew exactly why I came back: cope with myself and others. Urges are loudest on stressful days. What makes me the maddest is lacking control, especially on myself. Falling to these behaviours really makes me doubt the control I have over myself and life. That's why I'm doing this. I want to be the master of myself.
Writing everyday is going to get tough. Tomorrow I'm going to write about my ever growing desensitization from porn.